im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
