I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
bring money and cleavage
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
