It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
