if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize