Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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