Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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