Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my sisters under your porch take her home
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
