i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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