Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
