my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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