"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
