You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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