based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
