i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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