What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
a search helicopter?!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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