The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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