just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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