oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
