maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
