Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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