I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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