I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
