He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
BRING THE BAGELS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
