no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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