i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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