I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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