I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
