I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
