Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
