I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
