You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
