Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
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If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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