I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
not ubering you a puppy
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
