he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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