I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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