dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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