we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
