drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
