Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
