i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
