I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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