Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
