the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize