finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
