He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
