I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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