Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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