Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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