I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
