So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
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Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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