Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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