i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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