well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just googled if crying burns calories
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
