Don't make out with my wife yet
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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