I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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