Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
