Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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