erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
