She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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