so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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